For the most part I ignore the bullshit that flows in my girlfriend @audreywatters Twitter timeline (yes I am watching). We both tend to write some pretty critical things about technology, but for some reason (hmmm, what could it be), her timeline is full of some pretty vocal “dudes” looking to set her straight. I just do not have the energy to challenge every sexist male, looking to tell her she is wrong, but every once in a while I just need to vent a little–so I go hunting mansplainers in her Twitter timeline.
One young white fellow, wins the prize this week, he got my attention, resulting in a conversation that ended in this response:
@kinlane You still don’t get the logic of Watters’s article.
— Peter Monnerjahn (@PeterMonnerjahn) April 27, 2015
Yeah, the days she was writing that, and were discussed all the details, gave me no insight into the logic, let alone the last five years of discussing this topic with her. During my mainsplainer hunting, I’m not out to convince these dudes of how out of line they are, honestly I’m just looking to fuck with them, and let them know I’m here. I do not know the answer to helping us sexist men learn the error our ways. Yes, even I have sexist tendencies–only difference is that I am well on my way to learning. You see I am white, male, and even though I grew up very poor, raised by a single mother, I still have enjoyed a very priveleged existence for most of my life.
I could easily cherry pick specific Tweets from this dude, showing his flipping flopping nature, where he blames Audrey for specific things he can’t actually cite in her post, and talks of her blaming these other men he’s defending for doing what he claims as sinister things, wait no sinister was his reference in Twitter conversation with someone else. No wait, the last paragraph in her post alludes to this. I just need to be able to follow the Twitter thread to understand his point. Why am I so dense?
Look, I don’t give a shit buddy. I’m just fucking with you because you are spouting stupid shit in her timeline. I really don’t give a fuck where you are coming from. If you knew the number of dudes I’ve seen tell her how wrong she is, to she needs to shut the fuck up, to hacking my websites and telling me to keep her in line, you’d go away pretty quickly (you are in good company). You need to tune into the bigger conversation, and not feel the need to tell women they are wrong. The reason you feel this way is you don’t see her as expert because she is a woman. Period.
What people like you should do is, write a response on your own blog, in your domain, and reply simply with “here are my thoughts”. Then you can lay out all the detail you need, cite your own sources, and hopefully do as much work as she did when crafting her story. Then if she cares (she won’t), she can reply on her blog, and return the favor to you. I know what you are going to say, oh I can’t even open my mouth without mainsplaining? Probably not. You are clueless of the bigger picture, except the view from your own position.
I’m not saying everything that Audrey says is right, but I am saying you need to step back, and analyze your approach. One thing I’ve learned during my time running a business with my ex-wife, and the amazing five+ years I’ve spent with Audrey, is there is more to this, then us men can ever imagine. I disagree with a lot of things I read online, most of them I do not ever respond to, and the things I do, I critically evaluate how I respond–I just do not vomit my priveleged position into people’s timeline.
I know, futile effort. I can never change these types of people’s behavior, but I just can’t help hunting the mainsplainers in her timeline, and vent, while letting them know I’m sitting by her side. If you have any other comments or questions, please read Is My Girlfriend Bothering You?